It's a blue cane!

As some of you may be aware, I slipped and fell almost a year ago - March 14, 2012 to be exact.  It  was a thrill of a lifetime, akin to colonoscopy preparation!  I managed to break 6 water glasses and a coffee pot on my way down and miraculously landed on a floor rug, being spared the multitudes of killer glass shards that could have become lodged in my backside.  Whew...my butt is a pretty big-ass target too, so the rug is the hero of the story.

Lucky me.  Blarney to that; well maybe if you look at it from my ass's perspective in that I am glass free, but that as an Irishwoman, I managed to fall in the first place.  And, add to which indignity, I fell in March, my favorite month for Irish-ness.  I managed to herniate a disc and since then,  life has thrown me a few curve balls.

Today's fashion statement for me is a blue cane.  My fierce Irish Shillelagh is a bloody fine example of all things Irish, but alas, it's bronzed tip makes for a dangerous duel with the ice and snow of Colorado.  Thus, I found myself in the little old lady aisle of our local Wal-Mart, shopping for a cane.  Who knew there were so many styles to choose from.  Colors galore.  Pink ones with spots, leopard patterned poking sticks, flexible ones - handles of all grips and materials.  I almost felt as though I was shopping for a car.  Usually one expects me to be flying around on a broom stick. 

Being sensible, and realizing I was purchasing a cane, not a Gucci handbag, I settled on a steel blue cane, that can be folded if needing to be stored, with a nifty skid proof bottom, and rubberized handle.  It does compliment my blue jeans, and a Columbia fleece jacket.  Fashion has never been my forte.  Who could have imagined that cane shopping was a task that I was accomplished at?  What the hell is wrong with this whole scenario?

So, here we are - a typical Colorado winter.  Flipping -22 degree temps, mysteriously warmer days of 10+, or even wet, heavy snow very much like today's weather.  My trusted cane has served me well thus far.  I remain vertical, rather than horizontal.

Along with the cane, I have obtained a temporary (I pray this to be true) handicap placard for my car.  I had an epiphany of sorts a few weeks ago, when I could barely make it from a parking spot in Timbuktu to the doors of our grocery store, that I might require a bit of a luxury with a placard.  It was a sad day for me.  In my mind, I was relinquishing my status as an able-bodied person to some sort of broken robot, who needed a lube job.

My back is still a mess.  My surgeon is by far one of the finest; working with the U.S. Ski Team, and also "inventing" a titanium device which was implanted in my spine a few years back and had, up until I fell,  relief.  Sure, we all suffer from "back pain" or a "stiff back", but that nifty little X device was a gift. 

Pain is a new word in my vocabulary.  Actually, if  I could be so bold as to further that statement with:  unrelenting, horrific, never ending back pain that has taken over my life, changed me, and made me something I don't really recognize anymore.  Most days I manage through it with a stiff upper lip, chipper attitude and Irish genes.  I write my husband's photography blog, write in my own journal, think of  ideas on how to bake the perfect souffle, and yearn for conversation.

The title of my blog, when it was born a few years ago, was meant to be a parody to the grace-filled path of menopause.   Then, politics started to creep in, along with an almost Seinfeld-esque take on life in general, things that scream odd, obscure, bizarre or contemptuous about everyday life.

Tonight I felt the need to write about my spine, what it is putting me through, and the warped JOY of buying a cane.  I had 2 root canals recently, and to most dental patients who might have the sympathy pains of..."oh ouch, you poor thing",  I sat back in that dental chair, exclaimed "bring it on" and let the dentist drill away.  I'd rather have 100 root canals, if only to be relieved on this monkey on my back.

So, in closing tonight, as I am unable to sleep because my legs keep falling asleep, and the Percocet has yet to kick in, I will spend 10 minutes complaining, and then getting a satisfying giggle in that I just got excited about buying a cane.  Life is just full of little tidbits of fun. 

PEACE and PERCOCET...have a great day.

CRAP-THE OTHER KILLER

Recent moves by our POTUS to style his own 2nd Amendment, got me to thinking about other killers we have in this world. 

Okay, so liberals and the Hollywood weirdos are on the happy wagon about guns, gun violence and that their anointed one, the POTUS, should further his agenda in someway banishing guns from America. Forget that it is about a piece of paper, written over 200 years ago, by brave men. Forget all that stuff, and go after another piece of our freedom.  Ridiculous.

I am not implying that recent school shootings are to be overlooked.  However, over reacting is not going to help anyone either.  Seems like America just likes to overreact.  Let's talk about all the other things that have caused deaths.  Bombs, knives, any variety of things.  But there isn't a cry from the far left about those things.

So, today, while perusing the grocery aisles, I got to thinking about things that kill thousands of  people each year.  CRAP.  You know what it is - put down that Twinkie, or cheese stuffed crust slice of pizza..  Push away from the table, put down the Mountain Dew and start examining what we put in our mouths every day. 

Clogged arteries, big obese bellies and butts, smoking cigarettes, drinking booze in abundance, everyday lives.  We do it to ourselves, which is even more incredulous.  I don't hear the POTUS or liberals going on a tirade about Twinkies.  There is no ban on bagels and cream cheese. 

This is not going to be one of my long, drawn out tirades because quite frankly I am pissed off.  I am pissed at those who are not fighting for our Constitution.  Is it not worth it?  Or is it easier to sit on the couch, with a beer and a bag of animal cookies, watching the POTUS toss his executive orders around like there is not a care in the world?

Ann Coulter's Dishwasher

Reading Ann Coulter is one of my favorite past times.  Her last essay was in regard to the annoyance of a silent dishwasher.  For those of you who think Ms. Coulter is a political antagonist, you are wrong!  Well, perhaps just misguided or uninformed.

Ms. Coulter starts off with a mention of her irritation with political happenings and all things Washington,  D.C.  With this, I must agree.  If 2012 was a thorn in my political side, 2013 isn't starting off much better. 

A friend recently blogged about variations of terms such as "kicking the can down the street" and "fiscal cliffs".  I thought, after reading his blog, that both those phrases could go hand in hand when describing the shenanigans happening in good old Washington, D.C. 

The fiscal cliff has been, or was, or will be and might even continue to be, the phrase of a decade.  Some refer to it as "looming" or a "Thelma & Louise" moment.  I am but a mere menopausal housewife, and my interpretation of it is a bunch of idiots who haven't the slightest idea of how to create a budget and live by it.  Just what are we paying these goons in Washington for, anyways?  Even worse, how did they get elected?  Oh, that's right - we, THE PEOPLE, lost our minds, and voted for dummies.

In the middle of this stench pile is our POTUS.  He gets in his tax payer jet, flies to Hawaii for a few short days, then flies back to Washington to deal with the impending doom of a fiscal cliff, and then, egregiously flies back to Hawaii to resume his vacation.  How many wasted gallons of jet fuel did that cost the United States?  Before anyone gets their panties in a wad, I am not besmirching the POTUS a vacation, but when we are asking everyday Americans to live within their means, nickle and dime their budgets, go without because of a failing dollar, etc, then how can we, THE PEOPLE, take any of these suggestions to heart when we see the POTUS flying back and forth, simply to stick his nose into the fiscal cliff .

I've got to ask - why didn't he just save the tax payers a few bucks, stay in Washington in the first place?  He could have done his arguing with John Boehner, wasted time, then when it was all said and done, board Air Force 1, head over to Hawaii and enjoy time with his family.  It should be that simple.

I like Ann Coulter's stories about silent dishwashers - I believe the House, the Senate and the POTUS could take a lesson from that.