Who are You?

Lately, I have been searching my mind, trying to come to an analytical conclusion as to why some people care about how they present themselves and how others could care less.  What I mean is:  Are you someone who tells the truth, strives to be the very best, owns their mistakes, shortcomings or errors - OR - are you someone who likes to skirt by, fly under the radar,  perform only enough so as to say, "yeah, I participated" but in reality did only the minimum?  Do you live by a code of ethics?  Right or wrong?  Those are questions I ask myself often.

As some of you may know, I lost my job back on May 23, 2011, after 11 years at our local hospital.  NO NAMES PLEASE.  At first I was completely shocked.  I was hurt, upset, angry, lost, irritated and dismayed.  Then came the incredulous letter that my unemployment application was being denied.  This floored me.  Mind you - it's not like I "wanted" or "needed" that unemployment, but I applied as I thought I should.  It was decided that I was let go due to my own actions - something which I contested.  Then came the appeal to the decision.  Surely, in all the years I was at my job, performing well, receiving letters of positive feedback, etc., etc.. - an appeal would swing my way.  Ha ha... this was not the case.  I had to attend a hearing, via conference call, and listen to some of my fellow co-workers LIE THROUGH THEIR TEETH as to the facts, as they interpreted them. 

Now, in all fairness, some people just can't help themselves.  They are born with some genetic deficiency that regulates their moral code of ethical behavior.  So, as a Christian, I can look past these defects and ask God to look after them.  It takes some doing - believe me....I would much rather see 1,000 chiggers and fire ants fall in their underwear, but  I need to be better than that.  After all, except for the momentary glee I might encounter, in the long run, it would be fruitless. 

In a small town you notice things.  One of my favorite things to witness is the boss who let me go, taking one of her "breaths of fresh air" by driving throughout a certain neighborhood, so that she can smoke, several times a day.  I see her about 10 times a week, driving up and down Anglers Drive, smoking.  I think to myself...you have balls, lady, to let me go when you are, in fact, stealing from the company by taking all these smoke breaks.  Then there is the other employee who testified against me.  She's a peach of a beast.  Her theft - reading her kindle book, while on the clock...while ignoring, to a certain extent,  her patients.  I loved that one.  Add to which indignity - she loved to bring her 2 little kids in, every weekend, for at least 40 minutes, since her husband and she had schedules where there was a lapse in daycare.  Either these little gems sat at the nurses station, or were left alone (under the age of 5) in our break room to do whatever they wanted.  Any concerns I may have had about that fell upon deaf ears.  The third of the nitwit parade was a lactating mother of a very cute little baby.  Yes, I admit, the baby was cute - down right adorable - but again, babies do not belong in the workplace.  This nurse liked to pump breast milk.  She pumped alot!  Don't get me wrong - its a natural thing to do...but I guess that my thought on this is that you work in an Emergency Room, and pumping just isn't appropriate when any patient could crater in a minute, while you are in a room, with some pumping apparatus connected to your breast.  Then there was the shopping on line that these 2 gals did... baby clothes, work out clothes, etc, etc.  It was just amazing to watch people take advantage of the clock the way they did.

No, I know what you are probably thinking _ I sound petty, bitter and angry.  Well, yes, in some ways I am.  I resent the fact that I lost a job that I loved, that I was very good at, that I worked any hours, days etc in order to be a team player.  I was not perfect, but I worked with a code of ethics.  I was also far older than most of the nurses I worked with.  Never in my life did I truly believe there was a generational gap until I came across these new, late 20 early 30 y/o boobs who feel as though the world should revolve around their life.  In the years I worked there I saw 6 or 7 babies born to nurses. There was a population explosion of sorts.  Thank God I was in menopause - it seemed to be an epidemic of pregnancy in the emergency room.  Whew, I am very happy to escaped that one.

So, today I learn that I lost my appeal to my unemployment.  Yeah, it sucks, but in the long run I feel alot better about having a decision, and being able to get on with my life.  It feels good to get that shit off my mind, move on, put it behind me and start to point myself forward.  I'm going to be a grandmother, and that is pretty exciting.  I like that feeling.  I will head to California in about 6 weeks, look for a new job on the coast, see my kids, visit my friends, see my "peeps", listen to the sound of the ocean crashing on the shore, and God willing, be able to get my groove back.